Don's Rules #1

Some background, then straight to work.  My Uncle Donnie died a year and a half ago and I think about him at least once a week if not more--he had a major impact on me and my family and did an above average job of leading by example.  Humble, loving, giving, inventive, even genius in my opinion.  When his siblings were left the daunting task of cleaning house after he passed on, they ran across a set of "rules" and scanned them to share with the rest of us.  We can only imagine this list of 10 affirming goals/perspectives/guidelines for a good life came from church because of the use of language and even his ability to recognize where the edits needed to be--not to say he got it all right.  He was severely dyslexic, and the more rules I share, the more you will see how they may have been penned during a sermon, even copied from a slide or book.  Knowing their exact origin would not make me associate them with him any less.  I have posted my copy in my office as a reminder of who he was, handwriting, spelling and all, as well as a tribute to him that I try to keep my goals in line with the wise words he once decided to jot down.  To better understand them and how they relate to me, I've decided to dedicate 10 blog entries to Don and his rules to live by (in no particular order of importance--at least that's my opinion!).


DON'S RULE #1

PLAIN, HAVE A SPISIFIC PERPOUS FOR EVERYTHING I DO.

While I have never thought myself plain, I do think I am a good planner.  I have seen my plans go off course or not work the way I had expected, but in most every case I feel nature ran its course and I am better for the journey.  In my teens I was pretty sure I wanted to be a lawyer; before that (according to an essay I wrote in grade school) I wanted to be a lawyer and after work an 'entertainer'.  While I am pretty sure this was during my short bout as a country music fan and meant being a singer, I know it caused lots of laughs because it sound much more like having a night job as an exotic dancer.  If that were the case, certainly I did not know how much I could make as a lawyer and that I would not need to supplement my income on a stage somewhere.  But that wasn't the case.  There was part of me that urged to share.  I come from a long line of story tellers, many of whom choose to write them down, but I prefer to perform them--mostly spoken word, not for lack of respect in song, dance or visual art, just lack of experience.

Making the choice of which college to attend my senior year of high school was a very difficult one.  I did not want to endure the near decade of classes that it could take to become a lawyer and I had been bitten by the acting bug the summer before my senior year and decided I was determined to be an actor.  I look back on this decision a lot.  I had to make a decision between NYU and USC and for reasons that are ironic now, I went with a Theatre Arts BA from USC.  I chose the BA route rather than the BFA so that if the law bug (that sounds like quite a pest) ever bit again, I would have the requirements met to enter.  That plan, is still the best for me in the long run and once I figure out how and when is the best time for law school it is still a viable option.  As for the acting, my 'specific purpose' was to make a living as an actor which posed much more of a challenge than I had imagined.  My work in the theatre scene shop and in practice as the only tech-minded actor in my lot of friends has burgeoned into a great career.  I am a lighting designer, programmer, electrician, A/V and sound technician and assistant program coordinator depending on what day it is.  I am very happy, but none of this followed rule #1.  I was younger then, and I didn't have the rules on life yet, so I am determined to do better.

My next plan has been revealed in blog entries past.  I met a friend in 2000 when I came home from a summer of conservatory class in New York.  He was so nice and so fun and I loved working with him, playing with him, dancing with him...you name it.  In fact, he was friends with my high school boyfriend and we spent most of our days hanging in a big group over at his apartment in the summer between graduation and my freshman year of college.  I might should have realized at the ripe age of 17 that he was one of the only people around me that would have the potential to keep my interest for years to come.  He always saw me when I came back home from college.  He wished me well and told me often how proud he was that I was succeeding in California.  He had the staying power of a true friend.  I have let too many go over the years, and he would not and could not do that.  He is one of the best friends I have had the pleasure of having and I know that I would be amongst many who said the same thing about him.

I didn't have much of a love life in college, and I always said that it was my *real* guy friends from Texas that kept it that way.  I had one friend in high school that made me promise I would never settle for anything less.  I am sure he doesn't believe me, but Pat's name would come out of my mouth when talking to girls in California about why I didn't like any of the boys at school.  I wanted someone who knew how to open a door for a lady, and who would pay for the first date, one who would think I was special.  I was surprised to find that the men here spent more time in the bathroom than I did and some had full facial and moisturizing routines.  I found that being single and happy with a few friends who really cared and we all loved one another would suffice until I met someone up to my standards.  I thought I had one, and was in a relationship that was okay but not great.  I went home a few times during that relationship and saw Pat (who now introduced himself as Patrick) and he gave me some advice and some sympathy.  Eventually I had to end that relationship because I did not feel it was leading me in the right direction.  Patrick was there when I got home.  After all the platonic dates we had been on, we finally went on one that ended in fireworks.  Our first kiss sent chills up and down my spine and had a fairytale effect that I will not forget.  From that day, I knew I loved him more than I had previously acknowledged.  In retrospect when we swapped relationship stories and I heard about his girlfriends, I was always jealous and this was probably a feeling I could have addressed sooner.

That was in the summer of 2007.  We played cat and mouse for two years before we committed to being together.  That plan was SPISIFIC!  I wanted him fully and would not settle for less.  I am happy to report that we just entered 2011 and my friend of 10 years is my roommate and the love of my life and we are in our second year together and working out most of the kinks.  Again, the plans I had made along the way fell apart only to reveal the answer that was there all along.   Which brings me to another plan that I have mentioned before and involves him.

I like calendars.  I like timelines.  I like plans--longterm and short.  My plan to eventually return to school is on the backburner while he finishes his degree.  I have a plan.  All my life when I have announced that I want something and that I can see a way for the fates to provide for me if I give a little effort, some miracle brings all the loose ends together and I find success.  I want to grow old with this guy.  I know that this is one of those plans that will require mutual interest.  So in that vein, I want to be the best girlfriend a guy could ask for.  This is a plan with a very specific purpose.  I don't want to trick him or pressure him or guilt him into asking me to marry him, and I believe in the tradition of it being his request and my decision.   But for now, we don't need vows to love and respect each other.

Part of my California plan was a timeline.  I planned on moving here for 10 years--and whether school years count could still be up in the air--unless something better moved me away sooner or something great kept me here.  Patrick anticipates finishing his degree at the exact marker of 10 years for me.  The fates have done it again.  Now he and our future may be that exception that moves us one way or another.  If he finds the right work here to stay, we will, or if he finds the work elsewhere, we will go.  I have not closed the books on my life here and I will not give up my great job to move blindly away with nothing to welcome us--no worries Mom.  But I have and hope to always embrace change.  As the next year passes I will see the right time to make my calculated moves to prepare for my future.  Each step I take from here has to do with the finish line.

I vow to follow Rule Number 1.